DIARY OF A LAGOS PRINCESS EP(4).

PHOTO CREDIT: VECTEEZY.

EDITED BY: THEUNUSUAL _WRITER.

Dear readers,

   It’s me again! Ife, like Ifeoluwa Makinde. I have a lot of venting to do, and I’m sure you all will see reasons for it. I did what I did, although I didn’t have to do it, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. Right? Look! I don’t want to be a bad person, okay? Meanwhile, my week so far has been a crazy twist. Let’s see how it went.

IFE GETS MARRIED TO OGA FINE MOTOR.

“It was a sunny morning.

Those mornings where the sun will greet you

even before it was time to shine.

I loved that in particular.

Getting to feel the sun on my skin

It was light and warm.

And it meant you could get your day started already.

Busy and bright.

So on this sunny morning, I and Kofi walked down the road to buy hot peppery Akara from Mama Bunmi.

You might be wondering, Kofi? Yeah kofi. Later that week, I and Kofi made up with her offer to place the ice I was holding on my cheek, and we laughed everything off. It was just a slap, after all. It was a hot one, though, but it wasn’t that deep.

As we walked, Kofi was filling me in on the new big, helpless fish that was in her net. We strolled to a little kiosk down the road as Mama Bunmi was frying the akara to buy groceries and floating berries, popularly known as garri and groundnut. Things are a bit tight now. So, as we were walking back, a very expensive black car zoomed past us.

“Omo! See motor!”. Kofi exclaimed, and I smiled. We were guessing the price of the car when it suddenly reversed and stopped beside me. Me Ife. Motor stop for me! I don make am already!

The guy wound down his glass, and the scent that hit my nostrils could send me straight to the world of ecstasy.

See, eh, that guy was looking like hot today, bread. Instantly baked and packaged from the bakery Over fresh!. 

“Hey pretty!”. He said to me, Emi pretty! I blushed. At least someone has finally appreciated my yam-leg. He told me his name, and I told him my name was Ife. He said his name was Bolaji. Bolaji Brown, but his friends call him B-square. And in a few seconds, I was already attaching his father’s name to my first name.

Mrs. Ife Brown! Too bland. Mrs. Ifeoluwa Brown Too conventional. Mrs. Ifeoluwa Makinde-Brown As it should be.

Guys I noticed Bolaji was looking at Kofi and talking to me. You’d agree with me that it was quite weird, but I immediately concluded that he was all these shy guys, too shy to look into my eyes, and that made my heart jump even more.

But see something? I was quite shocked that he stopped me instead of Kofi. Kofi was the one that always got all the male attention, but this guy asked for only my name and number. In fact, he didn’t even say a word to Kofi. Anyway, after asking for my number, he said he was going to give me a call, and he zoomed off.

“Omo babe! You don't hit jackpot o .". Kofi shouted and gave me a high-five. My shoulders were so high and mighty.

The next day, Oga Fine Motor called me and proposed we go see a movie and get to know ourselves. OMO! . I got dressed and ordered a ride. As a gentleman, he insisted on coming to pick me up, but because of one or two reasons, I told him I would meet him up at the junction.

Normal! Normal! I suppose trek, but you know as the thing Dey be. I gats appear classy.

After I alighted from the cab, I spotted his car, knocked on the tinted window, and told him I had forgotten my purse at home and my bank app wasn’t working. So he sorted it out. We drove in silence to the cinema. He bought popcorn and chilled Hollandia for me as we went in.

Guys! I tried to be “that Lagos princess, but OMO, I no fit. I can’t form. Although at the beginning of the movie I was melting the popcorn with my saliva so that it would be very easy to swallow because I felt like the noisy sound my teeth made against the crunchy popcorn would set him off.

But halfway into the movie, I removed my wig, and I was shouting “Warri!”. I was cheering on the woman who was beating up her husband. Although people gave me questioning looks, Emi Ife did not care! I did not come to this life for anybody.

After the movie, Bolaji caressed my back gently and asked if I enjoyed the movie. He drove to a suya spot and bought plenty of suya for me; he bought very peppered kilishi and one big chi exotic, after which he dropped me off.

OMO! I and the girls had a filling night.

IFE’S SECRET: I felt so happy. I had never brought anything home for the girls before. I was always the first to grab the newspaper containing suya and drink the left-over juice or wine. But today I felt like a king among the girls.

Don’t tell anyone, not even the girls.

The day after, Bolaji suggested we go to the beach. I borrowed Kofi’s white shorts and pink spaghetti crop, and off I was.

It was a really exciting experience. It was my first time at the beach. I drank that pineapple juice! I don’t know if you know it. The one with straw. It was so nice. I really enjoyed myself. I took pictures and all, but Bolaji refused to take any. Funny boy!.

THE LAST STRAW

I and Bolaji were on the phone one night, and he said that he wanted to take me out on a “proper date" I was literally grinning from ear to ear. I literally thought he was going to propose.

Eh! I know you’ll say Ife is too forward. I know! but I’m not getting any younger.

Guys! Your girl is getting married. Soon to be Mrs. Ifeoluwa Makinde-Brown Wife to a rich man. Guys, I used my last card to buy a red dress and heels from Gucci. It wasn’t the original Gucci, but the vendor said it was a good buy.

When I mean my last card, Like I had nothing left on me. I borrowed Kofi’s latest pixie curls, Mmasinachi did my makeover, I wore Ejiro’s Estée Lauder Perfume, and I took one of the fancy bags Gboaye bought for me on my last birthday.

You remember him, Abi? That goat-head. I’m glad we broke up.

Guys!!! This date was really romantic. I was looking all chic. "Like takeaway”.

As usual, I booked a ride, met him at the junction, told the same old story, and he sorted it out. As I got into the car, he gave me a really beautiful bouquet.

They are spoiling your girl, silly! I mouthed a thank you, and he drove to the venue, humming “Believe me” by Johnny Drille.

On getting to the date venue, OMG! The place was so exquisite and expensive. Bolaji pulled out the chair as I settled in comfortably.

“You look so gorgeous, and you smell great!”. He said he was smiling. The waitress came to take our orders. He ordered a lot of food: Basmati jollof rice, plenty of spicy turkey, spaghetti bolognese, fried rice, and expensive wine: 2 bottles of Belaire and one bottle of champagne.

Who am I to complain?

We ate and ate as we discussed sipping Belaire and talking about Lagos traffic.

“Can I talk to you about something, Ife?”. Bolaji suddenly said: “Sure”. I smiled as I waited for him to pop the question. “I like your friend! I am very interested in your friend. The one you were with the day we met”. I thought my ears were playing “Our grandmother likes to wear skirts." .

“You mean Kofi?" I blurted it out. "Oh, that’s her name!”. Bolaji said, and he went on to tell me how he wasn’t interested in me from the start, and he did all he could to get to me, then to Kofi. “I thought we were friends”. Bolaji said it innocently.

My last card! Jesus! Oga fine motor! Egbami!.

I furiously got up, emptied the glass of Belaire on his immaculate white shirt, and threw the bouquet on him.

"After all, I don chop night food. To hell with you!”. I sneered and walked off. How I was going to get home wasn’t my business. Anyway, I ended up trekking in my Gucci heels. Enhancing my yam legs

As I got to the gate of the house, I quickly drew a line with my saliva from my eyes to my cheek and wailed into the house as the girls circled me, holding me up. I sobbed till the real tears began to fall.

I’m so hurt. Send in your love.

Your darling,

Ife-yam-leg.

THE END.

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