THE THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND MADNESS.

Photo credit: PINTEREST.

THE PIMME SERIES.

Many, many years ago, Osas had joined the club of the unlucky girls with whom relationships never favored. I mean, she was thirty, fat, and single. No boyfriend. No toaster!. She was all by herself, buried in her laptop, working from dusk to dawn and eating junk like a prisoner. Very light-skinned, fat, and average-height. She wore these heavily medicated glasses, and you would wonder if they were four in one, too tidy for one’s liking, and too babyish for a thirty-year-old. She had this very well-trimmed lowcut that suited her perfectly. Osas shared a one-bedroom apartment with her University roommate, Uyiosa. She was the only one who quite understood her, so it was best they stuck together.

So much trial and error. From Kunle to Tunde to Azzez to Eric to Chukwuwike to Ebenezer to Ebuka She had jumped from one man’s arms to another in search of love and an identity, but they had all dumped her. I remember Kunle saying she was a bag of beans. Chuckles. I also remember the embarrassment at an expensive restaurant in Lekki. Chukwuwike dumped her between hot, spicy Jollof rice and sauced turkey and said she was too classless. Ebuka was her last and the only one she truly loved with everything. She loved his funny Igbo accent laced with English and his full, untidy beard. Although she always complained that he had bad breath and his mouth smelled like a dead rat, she loved him regardless. He would always buy her gifts and take her out to nice, fancy places, and she was going to get married to him. She bought him a five-carat ring with her yearly savings and organized a mini party, but he never showed up, and that was it.

Soaked in love songs and movies, she etched the perfect man in her head. And that was when her madness started.

My LOVE AND I was a site Osas created shortly after her breakup with Ebuka. It was expanding every day, just like her cheeks. Giggles. It was a community dedicated to lovers who enjoyed telling their love stories and sending notes to their partners. Single people who were searching could also send in a description of their Ideal lady or man, and any interested person with such qualities would send a private message. She tried to make it a safe space, and it was.

Early on a Saturday morning, at six a.m., Osas sat on her bed watching a movie and sipping green tea when she received a message from My Love and I.

Dear Osas,

I woke up this morning feeling all loved up, and I decided to share my love story.

The cold, chilly night at the poetry slam brought us together. The stars twinkle, the moon is on full display, and the wind is a compelling force binding us together. Between sips and sips of creamy milkshake, clad in jeans and tees, all natural and prim. The coy look in your smile, the velvety shine of your dark skin, the peaceful chuckle from your lips, and the pure sparkle of life in your eyes made up for all of my life’s mistakes. My old leather jacket brought us together as I offered to wrap it around your arms. Your thank-you was like a sweet whisper. So coy and innocent you were. I could hardly unbox you. I started talking about my love for poetry and how much life it gave me. I saw the awe in your eyes, and I was willing to delve in for more. You didn’t speak so much, but your hearty laughter said you loved Shakespeare, and I did too. We went for a stroll, and the way you clutched your handbag told me that you were a keeper.

Cozy dates upon dates, midnight calls, and bedtime stories allowed the crazy Lagos air to warm us up as we took strolls down the streets of Yaba. Your content smile at the sight of little thoughtful gifts makes me even want to do more. I could tell you loved Jesus by the way you kissed your rosary before bedtime and how you would hold my hands during morning devotion, your brows squeezed in seriousness as you uttered subtle prayers. Walking down the aisle with you was a dream come true, and spending ten years with you is more like a lifetime’s wish. I hope you read this and realize how much I love you.

Xoxo

Tobe.

Osas stared at her computer screen, reading and reading her new post. She might have just found the man in her dreams—her creation. She sent him a message asking for his contact information, but he didn’t respond. She kept on texting and texting, but he didn’t respond, and she was beginning to panic. She couldn’t let him go. He was everything she wanted; she wanted someone who would look at her with pure love and adoration, gift her nice things, and pray with her.

"Uyi! Uyi". Osas tapped her friend one night. "What is it?". Uyi snapped with a sleepy voice. "We are moving to Yaba next week". "What? Are you Okay?". Uyi said laughing as she got up from the bed. "I have some stuff to pursue". "What stuff, madam?" "I think I might have found love, and I don’t want to let him go." "Found love where? Wonders shall never end". Osas went on to show Uyi the message and tell her he is the one in her dreams that she had previously talked about and that she plans to move to Ikoyi and search for him. "Osas, are you crazy? This is a married man". Uyi's brows creased in confusion. "Does it matter? I really love him, and I find happiness with him. He’s my Tobe". "Who do you think this is?" Uyi said, clasping her hands. "If you care about my happiness, you’ll support me, and after all, you work from home". "Fine! Fine! I am not supporting you, but I’ll go with you".

After sorting things out here and there with the landlord, they moved to Yaba, and Osas became more obsessed with this Tobe guy. She clicked on his profile, found a picture of him, went to Facebook and Instagram, and looked through the profiles of everyone who bore the name Tobe. She started going to the gym and eating once a day because, by her own discretion, her wife must be slim.

"Do I look slim today? I’m losing weight, right?". She would ask Uyi, and Uyi would burst out laughing. "You are trying, Sha.".

Osas would stay under the sun for hours every day with the hope of getting dark, but she never did. "You are still as ripe as paw-paw fruit". Uyi had told her. She would clutch her bag tightly whenever she was going out, and soon she started reading Shakespeare, memorizing it, and reciting as many lines as she could while she slept, bathed, cooked, and washed. She started wearing skinny jeans and t-shirts. She started attending poetry slams, and she would wince in disgust as she sipped the milkshake. Osas would apply Uyi’s foundation to her face, neck, arms, and back to make her appear darker, and she would wear a sleeveless top.

"Sha, don’t finish my foundation". Uyi would tease her for laughing so hard, and when she noticed that didn’t make her look so dark, she settled for generator oil. She started attending Catholic church and bought so many rosaries.

Osasu Omonzusi!!!!!!

Uyi sat her down one evening after making her favorite meal, Jollof rice and turkey. The whole obsession was going to the next level, and Uyi was scared she might lose herself in the process.

"Osasu! You are really going mad, and I don’t like it". Uyi said it angrily. "What exactly is the problem? Wetin really dey worry you... because I don’t understand all this drama".

Look, Uyi, you don’t have to understand anything. When love is not madness, it is not love. I have found true love, and I will appreciate it if you let me be". Osas said it matter-of-factly, and Uyi shook her head in pity.

It's been months since Osas started her love chase. She hadn’t found him, and she was getting really exhausted. Men and love weren’t all she needed, and after a few tears here and there, she gave up and picked up her life from where she had stopped with Uyi by her side.

But then.

A few months into her rehabilitation, she received an invitation to a private dinner from Tobe. Adamant but Excited, she wore her best gown and heels, did a little makeup, and when she got to the venue, she saw Uyi seated, smiling so widely.

"Hey girl!". Uyi said. "You look so beautiful".

"Thank you, but why are you here?". Osas asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"I am Tobe". Uyi smiled. ". Calm down and take a seat." Osas did, and Uyi began explaining how worried she was when all Osas spoke about was love and finding a man. She was worried that all the guys she had been with had complained about her weight. "I saw it all in your eyes, Osas, and I wanted to help, so I came up with this whole big crazy plan...."

THE END.

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I love you 💕.

2023. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ASINDI WENDY.